Your conscious thought is a powerful force. Remember, while a portion of your identity is firmly in the physical world, the greater part of you, the non-physical you, is waves of possibilities or intelligent energy. Every moment contains infinite choices. You must therefore take complete responsibility for each moment and select a vibration that reinforces the version of reality you wish to experience.You only live once.
Outlive your life.
The meaning you assign every event in your life determines the outcome of your experience. In other words, If you tell the story that an encounter with a co-worker victimized you, then your life appears full of uncontrollable, unhappy events. If you tell the story of the same experience as a lesson in compassion and kindness, your life becomes fearless, rich in meaning because your power begins where your fear ends.
Your outside reflects your inside, in other words, what you think, feel & what manifests are an exact match every time with no exceptions. So, if you look around & like what you see, then change nothing. If you look around & don't like what you see, change something. If you are in control either way, you might as well choose to create the life you truly want. Choose to change your conversation.
"In the midst of your mind lies a place where silence reigns.
It is called silence because the chatter of the ego has been stilled
and only Gods Voice can be heard. It will speak to you non-stop
in all the ways that you dream, and It will replace the dreams of the world
with those that exist in Heaven."
You are ultimately responsible for cherishing and valuing your life. Before this is possible on a long term basis, you must learn a little more about who you are before you can design a better experience and emit a better frequency to those around you. Knowing more about yourself is a learned process and like integrity, patience, compassion, perseverance, or cooperation, it is choice you must be willing to make.
Whatever your story is, you can change it. You must be willing to do the work of getting in touch with how you feel about the experiences you have stored inside. This is how you learn to get well. This is how you build the belief that it is entirely possible for you to create a vibrant, rich life. This is how to embrace a new way of looking at your life.
Young souls learn to accept responsibility for their actions. Mature souls learn to accept responsibility for their thoughts. And old souls learn to accept responsibility for their happiness. Learn to accept responsibility for your thoughts and you can move on to accepting responsibility for your happiness.
We only suffer through our thoughts. When we learn to let go of an "idea" that we are so desperately holding onto, we can then see that we have been allowing ourselves to suffer for nothing. Open yourself up to the many possibilities that surround you, as soon as you do, your world feels better...more vibrant, more exciting, more lively, more loving, more you. Learn to shift your thoughts, change your conversation and you will change your life.
I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travels sake. ― Robert Louis Stevenson
To sit in the shade on a fine day and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment.―Jane Austen
There are two kinds of
worries those you can
do something about and
those you can't. Don't
spend any time on the
latter. Duke
Ellington, American jazz
artist (1899-1974).
Always be a first-rate
version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate
version of somebody
else.
Judy
Garland
Life's under no
obligation to give us
what we expect. We take
what we get and are
thankful it's no worse
than it is. Margaret
Mitchell
In order for the artist
to have a world to
express he must first be
situated in this world,
oppressed or oppressing,
resigned or rebellious,
a man among men. Simone
de Beauvoir, "The Ethics
of Ambiguity"
Books won't stay banned.
They won't burn. Ideas
won't go to jail. In the
long run of history, the
censor and the
inquisitor have always
lost. The only sure
weapon against bad ideas
is better ideas. A.
Whitney Griswold
God gave
women intuition and
femininity. Used
properly, the
combination easily
jumbles the brain of any
man I've ever met.
- Farrah Fawcett
The devil you know is
better than the devil
you don't. - Barbara
Walters
Love must be as much a
light, as it is a flame.
Henry David Thoreau
Forgiveness is a funny
thing. It warms the
heart and cools the
sting. William Arthur
Ward
It's not who you are
that holds you back,
it's who you think
you're not. Anonymous
Grace isn't a
little prayer
you chant before
receiving a
meal. It's a way
to live.
Jackie Windspear
Shared joy is a
double joy; shared
sorrow is half a
sorrow. Swedish
Proverb
I think the next best
thing to solving a
problem is finding some
humor in it. Frank A.
Clark
Love is an act of
endless forgiveness, a
tender look which
becomes a habit.
Peter Ustinov
A hug is a great gift
one size fits all, and
it's easy to exchange.
Anonymous
When the grass looks
greener on the other
side of the fence, it
may be that they take
better care of it there.
Cecil Selig
Kissing is a means of
getting two people so
close together that they
can't see anything wrong
with each other. Rene
Yasenek
Patience is the
companion of wisdom.
St. Augustine
Modesty is the gentle
art of enhancing your
charm by pretending not
to be aware of it.
Oliver Herford
Money is only a tool. It
will take you wherever
you wish, but it will
not replace you as the
driver. Ayn Rand
The more I want to get
something done, the less
I call it work.
Richard BachAction is
eloquence. William
Shakespeare
If you think you're too
small to have an impact,
try going to bed with a
mosquito in the room.
Anita Roddick
Civilization is a
limitless multiplication
of unnecessary
necessaries. Mark
Twain
Anyone can catch your
eye, but it takes
someone special to catch
your heart. Anonymous
Happiness is a
direction, not a place.
Sydney J. Harris
Obstacles are those
frightful things you see
when you take your eyes
off your goals. Henry
Ford
Patience is the
companion of wisdom.
St. Augustine
Modesty is the gentle
art of enhancing your
charm by pretending not
to be aware of it.
Oliver Herford
Dreams are only thoughts
you didn't have time to
think about during the
day. Anonymous
What soap is to the
body, laughter is to the
soul. Yiddish Proverb
Good instincts usually
tell you what to do long
before your head has
figured it out.
Michael Burke
There is just one life
for each of us: our own.
Euripides
When I was young, I
admired clever people.
Now that I am old, I
admire kind people.
Abraham Joshua Heschel
What do we live for; if
it is not to make life
less difficult for each
other? George Eliot
We have to learn to be
our own best friends
because we fall too
easily into the trap of
being our own worst
enemies. Roderick
Thorp
If you find it in your
heart to care for
somebody else, you will
have succeeded. Maya
Angelou
Falling in love consists
merely in uncorking the
imagination and bottling
the common-sense.
Helen Rowland
The important thing is
not so much that every
child should be taught,
as that every child
should be given the wish
to learn. John
Lubbock
The secret of success in
life is for a man to be
ready for his
opportunity when it
comes. Benjamin
Disraeli
Always borrow money from
a pessimist, he doesn't
expect to be paid back.
Anonymous
Knowledge is a process
of piling up facts;
wisdom lies in their
simplification. -
Martin H. Fischer
Courage is what it takes
to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it
takes to sit down and
listen. Winston
Churchill
Patience is the
companion of wisdom.
St. Augustine
Even if happiness
forgets you a little
bit, never completely
forget about it.
Jacques Prιvert
To talk without thinking
is to shoot without
aiming. Greg Clarke
Character consists of
what you do on the third
and fourth tries. John
Albert Michener
There is one consolation
in being sick...the
possibility that you may
recover to a better
state than you were ever
in before. Henry David
Thoreau
A hug is a handshake
from the heart.
Anonymous
To keep your marriage
brimming, With love in
the loving cup, Whenever
youre wrong, admit it;
Whenever youre right,
shut up. Ogden Nash
Three things in human
life are important. The
first is to be kind. The
second is to be kind.
And the third is to be
kind. Henry James
We cannot hold a torch
to light another's path
without brightening our
own. Ben Sweetland
When your heart speaks,
take good notes.
Judith Campbell
A kiss is just a
pleasant reminder that
two heads are better
than one. Author
Unknown
Happiness is a
direction, not a place.
Sydney J. Harris
A man travels the world
over in search of what
he needs and returns
home to find it.
George Moore
A man travels the world
over in search of what
he needs and returns
home to find it.
George Moore
There is only one thing
more painful than
learning from
experience, and that is
not learning from
experience. Archibald
MacLeish
Make injustice visible -
Mahatma Gandhi
If you tell the truth
you don't have to
remember anything.
Mark Twain
A wise lover values not
so much the gift of the
lover as the love of the
giver. Thomas α
Kempis
The antidote for 50
enemies is one friend.
Aristotle
Make injustice visible -
Mahatma Gandhi
'The truth will make you
free. But first, it will
make you uncomfortable -
Mark Twain
If you are neutral in
situations of injustice,
you have chosen the side
of the oppressor. -
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Resistance is never
futile, for it defines
the terms of the next
struggle. --Natsu
Taylor Saito
Individuals have
international duties
which transcend the
national obligations of
obedience. Therefore
[individual citizens]
have the duty to violate
domestic laws to prevent
crimes against peace and
humanity from occurring.
- Nuremberg War
Crimes Tribunal, 1950
A smile is a curve that sets
everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
The
art of being wise is the art
of knowing what to overlook.
William James
The person who is waiting
for something to turn up
might start with their shirt
sleeves. Garth Henrichs
We cannot hold a torch to
light another's path without
brightening our own. Ben
Sweetland
A love affair with knowledge
will never end in
heartbreak. Michael
Garrett Marino
We must have reasons for
speech but we need none for
silence. Proverb
The real problem of leisure
time is how to keep others
from using yours. Arthur
Lacey
I always prefer to believe
the best of everybody, it
saves so much trouble.
Rudyard Kipling
Love is, above all, the gift
of oneself. Jean Anouilh
Knowing others is wisdom;
knowing yourself is
enlightenment. Lao
Tzu
There is no telling how many
miles you will have to run
while chasing a dream.
Anonymous
There is no distance on this
earth as far away as
yesterday. Robert Nathan
The doors we open and close
each day decide the lives we
live. Flora Whittemore
Its not the years in your
life that count. Its the
life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln
Wishing to be friends is
quick work, but friendship
is a slow ripening fruit.
Aristotle
We never know the worth of
water til the well is dry.
-Thomas Fuller
In youth we learn; in age we
understand. Marie Von
Ebner-Eschenbach
A mothers arms are made of
tenderness and children
sleep soundly in them.
Victor Hugo
There are two good things in
life; freedom of thought and
freedom of action. William
Somerset Maugham
So many tangles in life are
ultimately hopeless that we
have no appropriate sword
other than laughter.
Gordon W. Allport
There are times when silence
has the loudest voice
Leroy Brownlow
Of all the things you wear,
your expression is the most
important. Janet Lane
We can judge the heart of a
man by his treatment of
animals. Immanuel Kent
Im just one stomach flu
away from my goal weight.
Emily Blunt in The Devil
Wears Prada
If you always do what
interests you, at least one
person is pleased.
Katharine Hepburn
There is nothing like
returning to a place that
remains unchanged to find
the ways in which you
yourself have altered.
Nelson Mandela
When your work speaks for
itself, don't interrupt.
Henry J. Kaiser
Youth is something very new:
Twenty years ago no one
mentioned it. Coco Chanel
Life consists not in holding
good cards but in playing
those you hold well. Josh
Billings
Cats seem to go on the
principle that it never does
any harm to ask for what you
want. Joseph Wood Krutch
Life expectancy would grow
by leaps and bounds if green
vegetables smelled as good
as bacon. Doug Larson
Gratitude is the heart's
memory. French proverb
The world is a book and
those who do not travel read
only a page. St. Augustine
Who looks outside, dreams;
who looks inside, awakes.
Carl G. Jung
Everywhere is walking
distance if you have the
time. Steven Wright
Life without love is like a
tree without blossoms or
fruit. Kahlil Gibran
It is easier to love
humanity as a whole than to
love ones neighbor. Eric
Hoffer
I recommend to you to take
care of the minutes, for
hours will take care of
themselves Philip Dormer
Stanhope
Success is how high you
bounce when you hit bottom.
George Smith Patton
Silent gratitude isn't much
use to anyone. G.B. Stern
The manner of giving is
worth more than the gift.
Pierre Corneille
How beautiful it is to do
nothing, and then rest
afterward. Spanish proverb
The cyclone derives its
powers from a calm centre.
So does a person Norman
Vincent Pearle
Adopt the pace of nature:
her secret is patience.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Map out your future but do
it in pencil. The road ahead
is as long as you make it.
Make it worth the trip.
Jon Bon Jovi
Music washes away from the
soul the dust of everyday
life. Berthold Auerbach
To myself I am only a child
playing on the beach, while
vast oceans of truth lie
undiscovered before me.
Isaac Newton
Promises are like the full
moon: if they are not kept
at once they diminish day by
day. German proverb
Its not how much we give
but how much love we put
into giving. Mother
Theresa
Make the most of yourself,
for that is all there is of
you. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Believe nothing, no matter
where you read it, or who
said it, no matter if I have
said it, unless it agrees
with your own reason and
your own common sense. -
Buddha
Kind words can be short and
easy to speak but their
echoes are truly endless.
—
Mother Teresa
Vision without execution is
daydreaming.
—Bill Gates
Optimism doesn't wait on
facts. It deals with
prospects. Pessimism is a
waste of time. (Norman
Cousins)
Poverty wants some things,
Luxury many things, Avarice
all things.
—
Benjamin
Franklin
There is a gigantic
difference between earning a
great deal of money and
being rich.
—
Marlene Dietrich
Forgive all who have
offended you, not for
them, but for yourself.
— Harriet Nelson
The best thing about the
future is that it only
comes one day at a time.
— Abraham
Lincoln
Believe. No pessimist
ever discovered the
secrets of the stars, or
sailed to an uncharted
land, or opened a new
heaven to the human
spirit. (Helen Keller)
You will never 'find'
time for anything. If
you want time you must
make it.—Charles Buxton
The truth is what drives
our judicial system. If
people don’t come
forward and tell the
truth, we have no hope
of making the judicial
system work.—
PATRICK J. FITZGERALD,
the prosecutor in the
Libby case.
With hurricanes ,
tornados, fires out of
control, mud slides,
flooding, severe
thunderstorms tearing up
the country from one end
to another, and with the
threat of bird flu and
terrorist attacks, are
we sure this is a good
time to take God out of
the Pledge of
Allegiance? —
Jay Leno
A man travels the world over
in search of what he needs
and returns home to find it.
George
Moore
It is wise to direct your
anger towards problems - not
people; to focus your
energies on answers - not
excuses. William Arthur
Ward
I always prefer to believe
the best of everybody, it
saves so much trouble.
Rudyard
Kipling
There is no greater loan
than a sympathetic ear.
Frank Tyger
When we go for a walk,
angels whisper to us.
Proverb
Eliminate physical
clutter. More importantly,
eliminate spiritual clutter.
D.H. Mondfleur
I have a great deal of
company in my house;
especially in the morning,
when nobody calls. Henry
David Thoreau
The
great thing about being
older is that you don't lose
all the other ages you've
been.Madeleine
L'Engle
Most
folks are about as happy as
they make up their minds to
be.Abraham
Lincoln
Happiness is nothing more
than good health and a bad
memoryAlbert
Schweitzer(1875
- 1965)
Many
persons have a wrong idea of
what constitutes true
happiness. It is not
attained through
self-gratification but
through fidelity to a worthy
purpose.
Helen
Keller
-
Happiness depends upon
ourselves.Aristotle
-
-
The meeting of two
personalities is like
the contact of two
chemical substances: if
there is any reaction,
both are transformed.
Carl
Jung
You
can make more friends in two
months by becoming
interested in other people
than you can in two years by
trying to get other people
interested in you.
Dale
Carnegie
The
shifts of Fortune test the
reliability of friends.
Cicero
Everyone is kneaded out of
the same dough but not baked
in the same oven.
Yiddish Proverb
A
lie has speed, but truth has
endurance. Edgar J. Mohn
The only real mistake is
the one from which we learn
nothing. John Powell
Hope is grief's best music.
Anonymous
So many
tangles in life are
ultimately hopeless that we
have no appropriate sword
other than laughter.
Gordon W. Allport
Everyone is kneaded out of
the same dough but not baked
in the same oven. Yiddish
Proverb
Forget love - I'd
rather fall in chocolate!
Sandra J. Dykes
In the spring, I have
counted 136 different kinds
of weather inside of 24
hours. Mark
Twain
There
is no greater loan than a
sympathetic ear. Frank
Tyger
Everyone thinks Im a
hypochondriac. It makes me
sick. Tony Randall as Felix
Unger on The Odd Couple
In all chaos there is a
cosmos, in all disorder a
secret
order.
-Carl Jung
Hope is grief's best music.
-Anonymous
Success seems to be
largely a matter of
hanging on after others
have let
go.
-William Feather
Dreams are
illustrations...from the
book your soul is
writing about you.
-Marsha
Norman
Some persons are very
decisive when it comes
to avoiding decisions.
-Brendan
Francis
As you grow older,
you'll find the only
things you regret are
the things you didn't
do.
-Zachary
Scott
Don't ever become a
pessimist ... A
pessimist is correct
oftener than an
optimist, but an
optimist has more
fun-and neither can stop
the march of events.
(Robert A. Heinlein)
May you have warm words
on a cool evening, a
full moon on a dark
night, and a smooth road
all the way to your
door. -Irish
toast
You can take no credit
for beauty at 16. But if
you are beautiful at 60,
it will be your soul's
own
doing.
-Marie Stopes
The worst loneliness is
to not be comfortable
with
yourself.
-Mark Twain
Humor is emotional chaos
remembered in tranquility.
James Thurber
Quality never goes out of
style.
Levi Strauss
I tell you, we are here on
Earth to fart around, and
don't let anybody tell you
different.
Kurt
Vonnegut
Hope begins in the dark, the
stubborn hope that if you
just show up and try to do
the right thing, the dawn
will come. Anne Lamott
It is in his pleasure that a
man really lives; it is from
his leisure that he
constructs the true fabric
of self. Agnes Repplier
Maturity is a bitter
disappointment for which no
remedy exists, unless
laughter could be said to
remedy anything.
Kurt
Vonnegut
Maturity is the ability to
live in peace with that
which we cannot change.Old
Vaquero Saying
My ideas usually come not at
my desk writing but in the
midst of living. Anais Nin
I want to stand as close to
the edge as I can without
going over. Out on the edge
you see all the kinds of
things you can't see from
the center.
Kurt
Vonnegut
I'd rather not sing than
sing quiet.
Janis
Joplin
An apology is a good way to
have the last word.
Anonymous
Animals are such agreeable
friends they ask no
questions, they pass no
criticisms. George Eliot,
Scenes of Clerical Life Real
Simple
I learned very early in my
life never to take counsel
of my fears.
George
Patton
You have brains in your
head, and feet in your
shoes. You can steer
yourself any direction you
choose.
Dr. Seuss
An optimist may see a light
where there is none, but why
must the pessimist always
run to blow it out? (Renι
Descartes)
The bow too tensely strung
is easily broken. Publius
Syrus
Worry is nothing less than
the misuse of your
imagination.
Ed Foreman
The walls we build around us
to keep sadness out also
keeps out the joy. Jim
Rohn
The happiest miser on earth
is the man who saves up
every friend he can make.
Robert E. Sherwood
A man can only do what he
can do. But if he does that
each day he can sleep at
night and do it again the
next day.Albert
Schweitzer
I do the very best I know
howthe very best I know I
can; and I mean to keep
doing so until the end.
Abraham Lincoln
Nothing is impossible. We
just don't know how to do it
yet.
Old Vaquero Saying
No day is so bad it can't be
fixed with a nap Carrie
Snow
Luck is what you have left
over after you give 100
percent. Langston Coleman
Leisure: A fancy word for
people who don't want to
admit they're bored. Gene
Perret
Real knowledge is to know
the extent of one's
ignorance. Confucius
The purpose of life is a
life of purpose. Robert
Byrne
Laughter and tears are both
responses to frustration and
exhaustion. I myself prefer
to laugh, since there is
less cleaning up to do
afterward. Kurt Vonnegut
Advice is one of those
things it is far more
blessed to give than to
receive. Carolyn Wells
Give me the luxuries of life
and I will willingly do
without the necessities.
Frank Lloyd Wright
The pessimist sees
difficulty in every
opportunity. The optimist
sees the opportunity in
every difficulty. (Winston
Churchill)
Optimism is the faith that
leads to achievement.
Nothing can be done without
hope and confidence. (Helen
Keller)
An optimist is a fellow who
believes a housefly is
looking for a way to get
out. (George Jean Nathan)
An optimist expects his
dreams to come true; a
pessimist expects his
nightmares to. (Laurence J.
Peter)
In the long run the
pessimist may be proved
right, but the optimist has
a better time on the trip.
(Daniel L. Reardon)
Both optimists and
pessimists contribute to our
society. The optimist
invents the airplane and the
pessimist the parachute.
(Gil Stern)
Put all your eggs in one
basket and watch that
basket. Mark Twain
How happy are the
pessimists! What joy is
theirs when they have proved
there is no joy. (Marie von
Ebner-Eschenbach)
People try to rain on your
parade, because they have no
parade of their own.
(Jeffrey
Gitomer)
Happiness makes up in height
what it lacks in length.
Robert Frost
I am thankful for the mess
to clean after a party
because it means I have been
surrounded by friends.
Nancie J. Carmody
There isn't a pessimistic
note in the New Testament
after the resurrection.
(Andrew W. Blackwood, Jr.)
If you are all wrapped up in
yourself, you are
overdressed. Kate
Halverson
If you tell the truth, you
don't have to remember
anything. Mark Twain
When the character of a man
is not clear to you, look at
his friends Japanese
Proverb
The ladder of success is
best climbed by stepping on
the rungs of opportunity.
Ayn Rand
I think the most important
thing a woman can have -
next to talent, of course -
is her hairdresser. Joan
Crawford
To wear your heart on your
sleeve isn't a very good
plan; you should wear it
inside, where it functions
best. Margaret Thatcher
I am thankful for the mess
to clean after a party
because it means I have been
surrounded by friends.
Nancie J. Carmody
A perfect summer day is when
the sun is shining, the
breeze is blowing, the birds
are singing, and the lawn
mower is broken. James
Dent
Appreciation is a wonderful
thing. It makes what is
excellent in others belong
to us as well. Voltaire
Minds, like parachutes, only
work when open. Anonymous
You can't have everything.
Where would you put it?
Steven Wright
There is no cosmetic for
beauty like happiness.
Marguerite Gardiner
Blessington
Once we accept our limits,
we go beyond them Brendan
Francis
You can't have everything.
Where would you put it?
Steven Wright
To wear your heart on your
sleeve isn't a very good
plan; you should wear it
inside, where it functions
best. Margaret
Thatcher
It is a mistake to try to
look too far ahead. The
chain of destiny can only be
grasped one link at a time.
Sir Winston Churchill
What is a weed? A plant
whose virtues have not yet
been discovered. Ralph
Waldo Emerson
Every day is an opportunity
to make a new happy ending.
Anonymous
A painter paints pictures on
canvas. But musicians paint
their pictures on silence.
Leopold Stokowski
Whoever one is, and wherever
one is, one is always in the
wrong if one is rude.
Maurice Baring
The more one worries, the
older one gets; the more one
laughs, the younger one
feels. Chinese proverb
Never look down on anybody
unless you're helping him
up. Jesse Jackson
Imagination and fiction make
up more than three-quarters
of our real life. Simone
Weil
I would rather trust a
woman's instinct than a
man's reason. Stanley
Baldwin
It took me a long time not
to judge myself through
someone else's eyes. Sally
Field
Night time is really the
best time to work. All the
ideas are there to be yours
because everyone else is
asleep. Catherine
O'Hara
Time is a dressmaker
specializing in alterations
Faith Baldwin
Childhood is the most
beautiful of all life's
seasons. Anonymous
Those who deny freedom to
others deserve it not for
themselves. Abraham
Lincoln
A bargain is something you
can't use at a price you
can't resist. Franklin P.
Jones
Happiness is never stopping
to think if you are.
Palmer Sondreal
When you come to the end of
your rope, tie a knot and
hang on. Franklin D.
Roosevelt
A person often meets his
destiny on the road he took
to avoid it. Jean de La
Fontaine
The walls we build around us
to keep sadness out also
keeps out the joy. Jim
Rohn
The most important thing in
communication is to hear
what isn't being said.
Peter F. Drucker
Each day comes bearing its
own gifts. Untie the
ribbons. Ruth Ann
Schabacker
Mistakes are part of the
dues one pays for a full
life. Sophia Loren
He who cannot forgive breaks
the bridge over which he
himself must pass. George
Herbert
A womans health is her
capital. Harriet Beecher
Stowe
Every survival kit should
include a sense of humor.
Author Unknown
As we express our gratitude,
we must never forget that
the highest appreciation is
not to utter words, but to
live by them. John
Fitzgerald Kennedy
When your heart speaks, take
good notes. Judith
Campbell
HALLOWEEN RIDDLES
-
Why didn't the
skeleton cross
the road?
Because he
didn't have any
guts.
-
What kind of
music do mummies
listen to?
Wrap!
-
What kind of
monster is safe
to put in the
washing machine?
A wash-and-wear
wolf.
-
What's the first
thing ghosts do
when they get
into a car?
They boo-kle
their seatbelts.
-
What has webbed
feet, feathers,
fangs and goes
quack-quack?
Count Duckula.
-
What do you call
someone who puts
poison in
another's corn
flakes?
A cereal killer.
-
Why are monsters
huge and hairy
and ugly?
Because if they
were small and
round and
smooth, they'd
be M&M's.
-
Why wasn't there
any food left
after the
monster party?
Because everyone
was a goblin!
-
How did the
ghost patch his
sheet?
With a pumpkin
patch.
-
What do witches
use on their
hair?
Scare spray.
-
What is as sharp
as a vampire's
fang?
His other fang.
-
What do the
birds sing on
Halloween?
Twick or Tweet.
-
What did the
little ghost
have in his rock
collection?
Tombstones.
-
Why should a
skeleton drink
ten glasses of
milk a day?
It's good for
the bones.
-
What do baby
ghosts wear on
Halloween?
Pillowcases.
-
What do you get
when you drop a
pumpkin?
Squash.
-
Why did the
witches' team
lose the
baseball game?
Their bats flew
away.
-
What was the
witch's favorite
subject in
school?
Spelling.
-
What does a
vampire fear
most?
Tooth decay.
-
Where did the
vampire open his
savings account?
At a blood bank.
-
Where do mummies
go for a swim?
To the Dead Sea.
-
What is
Transylvania?
Dracula's
terror-tory.
-
Where does
Dracula water
ski?
On Lake Erie.
-
What do you get
when you divide
the diameter of
a jack-o-lantern
by its
circumference?
Pumpkin pi.
-
Why are there
fences around
cemeteries?
Because people
are dying to get
in.
-
Why didn't the
skeleton cross
the road?
He didn't have
the guts.
-
What does a
ghost eat for
lunch?
A boo-loney
sandwich.
-
How does the
silly witch know
what time it is?
She looks at her
witch-watch.
-
What did the
mommy ghost say
to the baby
ghost?
Don't spook
until your
spooken to.
-
What kind of
protozoa likes
Halloween?
An amoeboo!
-
How do vampires
get around on
Halloween night?
By blood
vessels.
-
Why do ghouls
and demons hang
out together?
Because demons
are a ghoul's
best friend!
-
What happened to
the guy who
couldn't keep up
payments to his
exorcist?
He was
repossessed.
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